The victim's story!

Yes, It was I that was the victim in Dianne's blog, although she was also one herself that night. Let me first say that I am a big fan of Raul's articles about tango and totally agree with Dianne's account of the incident. I'll never forget it. There is so much more to this story and I would like to share my side of it now in this forum. There are also a few interesting twists!

A little history about my tango background. I caught the bug almost three years ago at a New Years Eve ballroom social when a professional couple did a showcase dance on the Argentine Tango. I had never even heard of it before as I was fairly new to dancing in general, but when the strange music started to play and the attractive couple started dancing I was completely mesmerized and said to my friends "I want to learn that!" Tango was almost non-existent in my part of the state which made it very difficult to learn and dance, with no resident teachers or milongas in the immediate area.

I was determined to learn it somehow. I attended an introductory workshop that was provided locally a few months later, but there was still no real option to continue learning tango. I was refered to a DVD series that was very good and tried some self-training which was better than nothing, then I stumbled upon a small milonga that had just started (maybe 5-6 couples, all beginners). It wasn't enough though and I started a campaign to somehow bring more tango into our local community. I could go on and on about this, but within the past three years I have recruited teachers, started an email networking venture that evolved into a tango website, started monthly milongas, become the local milonga DJ, devoted all my dance training attention to tango and now my focus is on building the "regional" tango community along with helping the entire Florida tango network through the power of the internet. I have a traveling job that allows me to visit tango venues all over the state and have made a network of great tango friends! My dance shoes are always in the car just in case.

In general one of the biggest attractions to tango has been the people. Just about everywhere I go I have met the warmest, friendliest and passionate group of people and have always felt welcomed. This was not the case in the ballroom community and one reason that I have almost given the other dances altogether, although my girlfriend won't let that happen!

Recently, a tanguera from Italy visited our area and I consulted with her in regards to building tango communites because of her successes with doing so in a rural part of Italy. She directed me to Clay's website and to an article about the subject which I forwarded to some close tango friends of mine that are also trying to build our community here. One of them sent me an email reply about a milonga "horror story" that I should read in Clay's forum section. I found Dianne's article, read over it briefly and thought to myself......Oh, that sounds like what happened to me a couple of months ago. It wasn't until I re-read it carefully and noticed that the author was Dianne (with two n's) from Miami and then I realized that the story was actually about ME!

The funny thing that night was that when I first danced with Dianne I did not know it was her.....we had never met. We had actually exchanged some emails over the past year about Raul Cabral becasue she is a tango organizer in the Miami area and saw my website articles authored by Raul and invited me to attend his workshops when he came to south Florida last year, but I could not attend at the time, so we never actually did meet. It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that I saw a youtube video of the milonga venue that she had previously attended and it had mini-interviews with guests and Dianne's close friend and work partner was named in the video. I then put two and two together and realized that the tanda that I had enjoyed that night was with her and we didn't even realize that we had somewhat known each other becasue we had only exchanged first names after the dance!

OK, now to my story about that fateful night. I was on a business trip in Miami and stuck overnight and was looking forward to visiting a mid-week milonga at a very nice venue hosted by a lovely tangurea that I had made friends with through my netwroking efforts. I had actually visited this milonga a few times in the past but never had seen or danced with Dianne there. That particular night I showed up for the group lessons, which was mostly beginners and was glad to help balance the partner ratio. I would consider myself at this point in my training to be an intermediate tango dancer who has no problem helping and encouraging anyone who wants to learn the tango. It was a slow summer night and when the milonga started I was in a strange situation, the dancers were all coupled off or not available and I ended up sitting a lot. I started some dances with the beginners in the class, but because dancers must work to the level of the lesser experienced, it was not really that enjoyable for me.

Then I saw a couple of single ladies show up and after seeing them dance, I decided to ask Dianne for a tanda to some of my most favorite tango music. It was the typical first tanda experience between two people that are not beginners, the first being a sort of "test-drive", the second getting more comfortable with each other, and then the third really feeling connected. I was on a "tango-high" becasue of it and was smiling all the way back to her seat. I was really trying to practice what the milonga host had preached earlier in her lesson..."Do not ever leave your lady partner in the middle of the dance floor after your dance is over.....kindly escort her back to her seat and then say Thank You".....which is exactly what I did. She sat down next to her friend and I stood next to her while I scanned the room for my next invitation. It was a small dance floor and the traffic was actually moving towards me, so I was looking for the proper time to exit. That is when I heard a male voice directly behind me say "Do you mind if I tell you something about your dancing?"

My initial though was that I was about to be complimented, but at the same moment I noticed Dianne burst out in laughter with her friend , but I didn't relate it to what he had just said. I then had a gut feeling after turning and seeing him that it was going to turn into a critique of some sort. In hindsight I should have just said "No thanks" and just left, but I decided to listen for the mere entertainment value as I had an idea what might be coming next. Without introducing himself, this guy proceeded to tell me how wrong some of my technique was and before I even had the chance to comment he grabs Dianne from her seat and uses her to demonstrate. At this point I am feeling really bad for her, but it is too late. He gives his 5min. lesson and she quietly returns to her seat, obviously embarrased. I then want to know his name for reference, so I extend my hand and introduce myself and then he gives me his name, which I will keep private in this blog. I then whispered to him that what he just did was extremely rude and then immediately went to the other side of the dance floor to where my seat was. I didn't speak to him again that night nor did I speak or dance with Dianne again. I did however ask the milonga host, a three time tango champion to dance a vals to our favorite "Corozon de Oro" and it was fantastic, especially after she commented to me on how much I had improved since the last time we had danced together.

I don't consider myself a great tango dancer (yet) and know that I have my faults just like everybody else does while they are in the learning process which in tango can actually be an entire lifetime! Raul's essay and this experience were so coincidental that Dianne was motivated to post her blog right away. Since discovering it, I have even posted it on my tango website for the public to see and have seen and spoken with Dianne about that particular night. We have even had the pleasure of dancing together at another Miami milonga and again we had a very enjoyable time. Raul is coming to Miami soon and I am hoping to visit with him personally if I get the chance.

Unfortunately tango, like just about everthing else, does have its ugly side and this incident will stick with me but has not casued me any long-term harm.....just a learning experience is all. I totally agree that this sort of thing needs to be discouraged and maybe even policed at milongas somehow as I have seen it happen myself at our local venues. Classes and workshops are for teaching and learning, and the milongas are for socializing, dancing, and to have fun! So for all of you wannabe teachers out there, please hold your comments and advice for the classroom as it is not welcomed at the milongas!

Tango is very much a Gentlemen's dance and this is just plain good manners and proper milonga etiquette!


Thank you again for the tanda Dianne, Raul for your great articles, and Clay for your fabulous website!

Chuck from Florida